This is an open letter to two perfectly twisted souls. Two dark souls who have tried to dim my light for the past two and a half years, and who almost won.
It has taken me nearly my entire life to realize my full worth, and to appreciate the strength it takes to exist as a Black woman in society. Black women are either despised or fetishized, and any attempts we make to stand up for ourselves are struck down with claims of “overreactions” and “angry Black woman” stereotypes.
While I’ve faced countless experiences of misogynoir-laced disrespect in my lifetime, the most hurtful experience I’ve ever been though occurred in the Fall of 2018 when the person that I’d loved for almost five years deserted me with no warning. It was confusing and heartbreaking to have someone I considered to be my best friend and confidant throw away what felt like a lifetime of fun and special memories we made around the world just like that, but in retrospect I shouldn’t have been surprised – the warning signs were there.
There were the subtle body-shaming remarks that I endured for years; And the refusal to acknowledge or post photos from our relationship online, as if I were some dirty secret to be ashamed of. The idea of this person walking away without as much as an explanation shouldn’t have been as shocking as it was, but it really took me by surprise. I struggled for months trying to separate the good memories from the bad, analyzing past texts for signs and trying to figure out what I did wrong in the relationship. It took me a long time to realize that I was not the problem, and that this type of gaslighting is what so many Black women deal with on a daily basis.
Later on I learned that I had been lied to and cheated on with “The Other Woman.” While My Ex set terms for zero communication between us after our breakup, The Other Woman made it her mission to rub her new title in my face over and over again by stalking and harassing me endlessly on my social media accounts.
The first few months of cyberbullying were extremely hurtful, and to this day I am amazed by the cruelty of a stranger to try and tear someone down for no reason. As the months went on and the harassment continued, my feelings shifted from hurt to amusement. I was living rent-free inside of the mind of The Other Woman, and I have to admit that I got a kick out of the fan behavior. However, the stalking and harassment continued for years, spanning from my social media accounts to this very blog. I discovered this one day last year when I randomly checked the view stats of my little site to see that every single month 99% of my views were coming from The Other Woman.
I pleaded with My Ex to put a stop to the harassment, and unsurprisingly received no response – not even an acknowledgment of the situation. From time to time I will reflect on this entire experience, saddened by the idea that someone I was so close to could care so little about my well-being, but every day I remind myself that that is on My Ex and not me. I am not to blame for this abuse, and even after years of harassment, I am still standing. I am stronger than My Ex and The Other Woman will ever be.
I know that I deserve an apology from My Ex and from The Other Woman, but I know from the character that they have both displayed throughout this experience that I will not receive one. Therefore, I am liberating myself from the notion that I should keep the years of abuse I have faced private, and speak my truth to the world (and by the world I mean anyone who stumbles upon this little blog aka my mom and The Other Woman). No one should accept abuse and harassment from anyone, and today I am taking back the part of me that my bullies tried to destroy.
This is an open letter to two perfectly twisted souls. Two dark souls who have tried to dim my light for the past two and a half years, and who almost won. But then I remembered who tf I am, and can now confidently say: You Lose.